Now I’ll discuss Sweden, Norway, Denmark and the Netherlands in order of priority for the young man traveling abroad. Legends of horny, beautiful blondes who will jump your bones just as soon as look at you have been slightly overblown, much unlike many of my Harvard buddies. Women here, more or less, have the same attitude about sex as other places in Europe and North America. They’re just a lot more open about discussing it. Sometimes, foreign PB’s, often Italians, mistake this openness for promiscuity. The great thing about this place is that a girl decides pretty damn quickly whether or not she likes you enough to hook up, so you know where you stand from the get-go. They don’t dilly-dally around here. If she likes you, you’re going to get runkled for sure, barring a major screw-up on your part.
Here’s something else you may have heard: If you have dark hair and dark skin, the girls up here will be all over you. Now, I don’t want to start a mass exodus of darkies like me scurrying over to the Nordic countries. This is sort of true, but is becoming less and less so every year, as refugees from the Middle East and Africa flood these nations causing a huge welfare problem and resentment among the Scandinavians grows towards them. There are plenty of dark guys to go around these days. However, in many of the smaller towns, your particular looks still may be quite a novelty. So keep that in mind.
Surprisingly, there is quite a bit of variety in the sizes, shapes and colors of the women here, at least more than one would expect of Northern Europe, i.e. there are a lot of brunettes and red-heads walking around, especially in the major cities. However that classic, frosty blonde-haired goddess with the crystal blue eyes, peach complexion and outrageous body you’ve been dreaming about your whole life still exists. Thank God. And you can only get her in this part of the world. However, don’t expect every single chick here to be the J-cupped silicone knockout you’ve seen in Swedish erotica movies.
Lots of Scandinavian and Dutch girls live or have lived with multiple boyfriends in the past. A “good girl” in up here is someone who has lived with one or two guys faithfully, not someone who lives on her own and sleeps with whoever she happens to be dating. This is in sharp contrast to how people feel in the Americas for example, where sentiments seem to be the reverse. So it’s not uncommon for a chick to mention that she’s lived with a couple of guys during a first conversation. However it is uncommon for her to ask if they can join you in the sack! Personally, I don’t think the fact that a girl has lived with some other dude all that attractive. Not as much, say, as if she’s lived with another woman. But I found that I could generally ignore it after a while. You shouldn’t care anyway, since you just wanted to have some fun, which predicates that you keep your emotions in your pants.
I enjoy visiting Northern Europe, mainly because I always do well here with the babes. Let me tell you why. The average guy up here is about as romantic as a horny Viking, and probably smells like one too. If you romance these girls a little bit, you can go a long way. Buying her flowers, giving her a massage, juggling for her in a park or kissing her hands may get you laid faster than anything else you could possibly do, short of growing a 13″ Johnson. If you are definitely not into that sort of thing (romancing, that is, not 13″ Johnsons), you may consider just going to a popular European beach town in the summertime, like the Greek Islands, Marbella, Ibiza or Lagos, where the Scandinavians and Dutch like to spend their drunken, rowdy summer holidays. Under the aphrodisiac
effects of the sun, surf and cheap alcohol, they’ve been known to forget about their boyfriends back home and hook up as they please (which tends to be often), like the American girls tend to do on spring break. Here there is no romantic paraphernalia needed, save your little latex buddies.
Here, like many other places in Europe, if you take the chance to venture outside of the big cities into the smaller towns, the girls will be friendlier and genuinely more interested in you, perhaps simply for the fact that you look different or are from a different place. I had an experience like that when visiting Orebro, Sweden, a city that is right between the larger and very international cities of Stockholm and Gothenburg. The chicks would just stare at me, and some would just come up to me start a conversation, simply because they knew that I wasn’t from around the area. This is one of those towns that still is the way you imagined Northern Europe would be like— loads of girls with blonde hair, blue eyes, great attitudes and even greater breasts. Thor, be praised! Every young person in Northern Europe speaks perfect English. That’s because, the English classes they receive in school are excellent, and because it has become very popular for girls to nanny or spend a year studying abroad in the US or other English-speaking country. So unlike some other countries in Europe, there are no worries here about problems with communication. In fact, they probably speak English better than you do.
Just a quick note for the not so young man traveling abroad who may be reading this book: Northern Europeans tend not to get married until later in life, unlike the girls from Spain, Italy, France, Asia and Americas. So the nightlife here offers a nice range of maturity levels to choose from. Northern Europeans tend to look and act more mature at younger ages than women of other countries like the US, so you may be able to get away with some major poaching here. For the really young man traveling abroad, I’d like to mention that you have to be 18 years old to get into a lot of bars in Scandinavia and 20 years old to buy warm alcohol from a liquor store and 21 to get into certain of the best clubs. So bring fake ID if you have it. The bouncers won’t know the difference anyway. “You are 25 years old from Boston, Texas? Ees guut, come in!” There is no problem in the Netherlands, except when you want to get into university bars and clubs, which are supposed to be reserved for students. Bring a student ID, recent or not. Oddly, Wednesday is as good as Saturday night in the major cities in this country. So much so that they actually call Wednesday, “little Saturday”. So keep this in mind when planning your itinerary.
If you are going to drink in Scandinavia, do it the Scandinavian way. Do so before you go out to the bars and clubs, so you only have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to maintain your buzz. Drinking in Scandinavia, like in most Asian countries will cost you a fortune. Many of the accommodations in Scandinavia offer all-you-can-eat breakfasts, which are generally included in the price of your stay, so eat up free and early to save money for nighttime revelry. All-you-can-eat buffets are also popular in Scandinavia, so if you were too hung over to make it to breakfast, score some chow later. Beautiful girls, great attitudes, and easy communication, that’s what Northern Europe offers. There is no excuse not to hook up here. I’m sure you’re going to have a great time. While you’re up there, try to figure out why they still eat ice cream in the dead of winter, why food is so God damned expensive and why six-and-a-half foot tall girls wear high heels. Get a Scanrail Pass, if you are going to do a lot of traveling up here.
Swedish women have got to be the coolest chicks on earth. They will drink with you, hang out and watch sports on television with you, buy you drinks, tell dirty jokes and even shower in the boy’s bathroom in the youth hostel without hesitation. They’re just like men, just in beautiful, tall, mostly well-proportioned bodies with female external genitalia. I always have a good time when I come to this country. The best time to go to Sweden is in the spring and summer months, when the weather starts to warm up. Students finish up with school and start to party, and everyone is generally in a better mood after a long, cold winter. Like the other Scandinavians, students here celebrate the end of the school year, before it actually ends in mid-June. So join in the festivities. Stick to the big cities of Stockholm and Gothenburg, if you’re here in the summer. The partying, the festivals and the good times are in full swing during July and August. If you find yourself here during the academic year, definitely hit the university towns of Upsalla and Lund. They are packed full of beautiful Swedish YP. Both cities are hell fun, in addition to being a lot cheaper to eat, drink and sleep than the larger cities.
Stockholm is the largest city in Sweden and definitely a great time. On top of that, it’s the cleanest and most beautiful big city I’ve ever seen. You can actually swim and fish in the waters within the city limits. Try doing that in the Hudson River in New York City! There are a ton of stores and malls on Drottning in Norrmaln by the train station where you will find beautiful Swedish girls shopping and working. The largest concentration of bars is on Kungstradgarden, Birger Jarlsgatan and the Stora Nygatan in Gamla Stan (the old town). Secondarily you can check out Sveavagen, Sodermalm, Gotgattan, Berzilii Park and Stureplan. Because, the hot spots in Stockholm are spread out all over the place, I’d stick to the old town for the highest yield for your efforts. Everyone is outdoors here in the summer time. Remember, this is Scandinavia, and its cold as hell nine months out of the year. The other three, it’s just cool. So head for the outdoor cafes and pubs if the weather allows. Ask the locals or just follow the noise. Try Monnet Le Club on Kungsgatan to sample the local YP, the Anchor on Sveavagen, Tre Backar on Tegnergattan and Stiliga Duken on Stora Nygatan. [Invite edits]
On a recent trip to Stockholm I realized how an ex-boyfriend in this country can be a real pain in the ass. I met this beautiful girl while she was working in a retail shop. She had been living with her boyfriend of two years and just recently broke up with him. He found out that we were going out that night to a local bar on the Stora Nygattan and decided to crash the party. This guy was pathetically whipped. And all he succeeded in doing was pissing off this chick and making easier for me to get runkled, since she was determined to prove to me that he wouldn’t get in the way of our relationship, however brief and tawdry it was. He didn’t. The next night, I got a private room in a former sailing ship turned youth hostel, the af Chapman, rocked the boat and christened the girl aboard the U.S.S. Runkle!
Just a short train ride away is Upsalla. A big college town. Stroll around campus during the day. And party only on Thursday nights during the school year. Weekends and the summer, the ladies head to Stockholm. Dress well when going out to the bars and clubs here. If you don’t look the part, they won’t let you in.
God Damn Factor 9.0