San Diego, California USA

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San Diego is an awesome city. There are beautiful girls here judging by my visits to San Diego State University (SDSU), and the fact that Playboy is constantly on that campus recruiting girls to do pictorials for college issues. But the girls here in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you’re him). And they don’t go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance to runkle ’em. It’s not like there’s a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people– except for the weekends of course. In that aspect, it’s kind of like Japan, only with a lot more Mexicans.

Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don’t want to make an ass out of yourself asking the local blondies for directions) is wealthier, boring and very Jewish. But downtown is where it’s at, and therefore where you should be!

The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin’ awesome. It’s and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel– that is where all the beautiful people go. Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. The Y here is fashion conscious with Hollywood just up the road. Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what’s hot? Just walk up and down Market, G and F Streets and follow the noise. You will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually there’s some some pretty decent talent.

Pacific Beach– referred affectionately as “PB” by the locals is a perfect place for the “PB” in you! (See the Dictionary of Terms). The most action in PB in on Garnet. There two huge bars dominate– PB Bar and Grill (which has been ghetto lately) and Typhoon Saloon (which has a better crowd and better looking Y). Get there early or be prepared to wait on line. Fred’s Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon. It’s not too bad. Neither is Bobs Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar and has hot groups of girls– so must be bold and daring on the approach) or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy looks like they had hot girls inside, but I never went in to either place, because they scan ID’s– supposedly to protect patrons in case something goes down, they have a picture ID of everyone who went into the bar that night. I don’t like the idea of having people I don’t know have that kind of personal information on me. If u value your privacy and civil liberties, skip these places. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the Y. No riff raff, decent atmosphere– just not enough women. See how well she can handle a stick before she handles yours. Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.

During the day, definitely hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike or roller blade (if you are the sensitive type) and be bold meeting the girls. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and the timid.

Mouse’s on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to pick out the good-looking girls rollerblading by. Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. But be careful. A lot of the hotter girls here have military boyfriends (or husbands), as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed off solider full of testosterone and ready to kick your ass. Then again, you may run across a “West Pac Widow”, which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific, while his hot, lonely and horny wife is left behind in San Diego! Then it’s game on. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows. It think it’s bad karma to runkle a soldier’s wife.

Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who under the legal drinking age of 21 for the US, and very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico, if you are old enough to walk (even if you are too drunk to), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware. Don’t give money to all the little kids with dirt-smugged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can’t help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don’t believe me? Watch one of those little bastards for 15 minutes and see how much money he or she rakes in. It’s incredible. Drunk, unwitting PB’s who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out. So be careful down here!

Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to get back into the United States after partying in Mexico, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they live to act like bad asses and mess with all the party-goers returning from Mexico. Don’t give them a reason to mess with you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.

I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I wasn’t going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license and my medical school ID., they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waived through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was “pat” searched. That little bastard enjoyed himself, I’m sure. When I protested, his attitude, as I was leaving, he said, “I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want.” He must have been from San Fran… Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn’t worth the danger and the hassle for me.

God Damn Factor 8.5

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