New York is as big and daunting as Los Angeles, Paris or London with an attitude to match. During the day when masses of humanity commute into the city from neighboring communities to work, the population swells to greater than four times that of the entire country of Norway. There are 5 boroughs in New York. It is safe to ignore four of them and concentrate your efforts on Manhattan. That’s where you’ll see and do everything that New York is so famous for, including its female residents. The best time to be in New York is around Christmas/Hanukah and New Years. New Yorkers are actually friendly to each other when they are in the Christmas spirit. It’s even customary to tip the muggers during the Yuletide! The stores on 5th and Park Avenues are absolutely mobbed, and the New Years Eve party in Times Square draws hundreds of thousands of people every single year from around the world.
Yes, there are beautiful women in New York, but many of them won’t rankle anyone they don’t know. That’s because there this place is big and full of strange men. Most of the women can’t tell if you’re one or not, so they usually play it safe and heisman all sexual advances. If you have seen some of the men in this city, you can understand why they may do this. Don’t be discouraged. Like in any big city with a similar attitude, you can still runkle a local, if you’re smart and put in the effort. It’s infinitely easier to hook up in New York, if a friend or acquaintance who she knows and trusts introduces you to the chick. That way she knows you’re safe and probably aren’t going to tie her up and make her be “the gimp” for all your friends.
During the day, head to Madison Ave, 5th Ave and Avenue of the Americas where the women will be out shopping. Key places are Henri Bendels, Bergdorf Goodman and Barneys. Oh, the booty! To get some of it, have a major trust fund and own a Ferrari. Otherwise, just look the part. Like Paris Milan and Madrid, there are a ton of fastjjon models around, although diluted in a solute of millions of other girls many of which may not be the least bit attractive. If you’re really lucky you run into a group of them out in the Village or Soho, since they tend to hang out there together with the rest of the international, artsy-fartsy, Euro-fag crowd. There are plenty of bars and clubs in these areas. Ask a local PB what is hot, or walk around and follow the noise. But be forewarned. There are a lot of homosexual males in the Village along with the good-looking women, and a few really good-looking women who are homosexuals as well, damn it! Be careful with who you hook up with. If she’s from New York and hooks up pretty easily, the chances are that she has done that many times before. Try not to catch anything. Things you can pick up range from African monkey warts to a Brooklyn accent. Remember, Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” anthem begins with “Start spreadin’ the news,” not “Start spreadin’ the clap”!
Now the happening bars and clubs in the city change constantly. By the time this book comes to print, what’s hot now won’t be, and clubs that will be, probably don’t even exist yet. But Webster Hall on East 11th between 3rd and 4th Avenues, the Tunnel on 12th Avenue and 27th‘ System on 13th and 3rd and the Palladium on East 14th between 3rd and 4th seem to survive year to year and are sure to be good on the weekend. Make sure you aren’t there on a “gay night”, dumbass. Take a look at what’s on line before you go into the club. These clubs tend to be touristy and full of YP. These clubs are not cheap, and there is plenty of attitude to fill clubs 10 times their size, but they are worth checking out, since they are exactly the kind of clubs you would expect to be in a place like New York.
Dress well and bring plenty of cash. These places are often divided into sections with different clientele inhabiting different sections. Sometimes the security men won’t let you into certain parts of the club if you don’t have the right look for that section.
There are an enormous number of places in New York that are as good as the aforementioned clubs, but perhaps less known to those who don’t live here. Twilo on 27th and 10th Ave, The Cheetah Club on 21st and 5th, Opera on 21st and 12*, Kaos off of Union Square, the China Bar on 63rd, The Roxy on West 18th, Dorian’s on 7th Avenue, the Spy Bar on Green Street, Merc on Mercer Street, Envy on the corner of Hudson, Touch in Times Square and Spring, Liquids on 36th and 12th are all pretty good and feature a nice variety of fine looking chicas from all over New York and adjacent New Jersey. The upper-East Side is just east of Central Park from about 5th Avenue to 1st Avenue and from about the 40th Street to 98th Street. There are a lot of professional types who live here and more millionaires per square foot than anywhere else in the world (because they are stacked on top of each other in the skyrises)! The upper-East side is the home to also greatest collection of art museums in the United States. The Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Whitney Museum of American Art, MOMA (Museum of Modern Art), the Frick Museum and the Guggenheim are located here. Also New York’s greatest restaurants like Aureole, Le Cirque, Daniel, Le Chantilly, Four Seasons, Fifty Seven Fifty Seven, and Lespinasse are in the upper-East side. Both the culture and the cash so prevalent on the upper-East side will insure a steady state of hot box in the area at any given time.
For those who prefer and uptown crowd, more frequented by the many good-looking, young female professionals in this city who call New York their home, head to Venue on West 38th, Prohibition***, the Bowery Bar on East 4th Street, Polyesters on 8th Street (there are actually two in the city), the Ski Bar on 2nd Avenue, Brother Jimmy’s on 76th and 1st, Moe’s Carribean***, Iggy’s***, Sweet Melissa’s***, Bare Bar***, Bar 13***, Merchants on Thomas Street, the Gingerman***, Jake’s Dilemma on Amsterdam, the Lemon Bar***, the Union Bar*** and Phoebe’s on Columbus Ave. These places tend to have a lot of chicks relaxing having a drink with their friends, perhaps a small dance floor and a lot of scamming going on. Unfortunately, the ratio in these places may be unfavorable for the enthusiastic PB. So be bold and daring, lest you lose out to squid with the balls to roll up on a table full of girls talking with each other and seemingly uninterested in meeting anyone.
There are a lot of good-looking women on the upper-West side also. They are mostly Jewish girls in packs of 10 to 20 who may seem totally unapproachable to you, but give them a shot. If you have a Jewish friend from New York, chances are that he’ll know a few of the girls in these bars and can introduce you. This is a very inbred community in which everybody knows each other. Oftentimes, its members have hooked up with multiple individuals within the same social circle. Know someone, be a successful dentist or a lawyer with a name that ends in “berg” or “stein”, if at all possible. And take off that crucifix from around your neck. Save it, the tank top and the steroids for when you go out in New Jersey. If you are looking for the best titty-bars money can buy in New York City, head to Scores on East 60th Street, Shenanaggins***, NY Dolls on Murray Street, Tens***, and Flash Dancers on Broadway. A table dance will set you back $10US, but they are frequently tipped much more than this by all the Wall Street types.
If you’re in New York during the summer time head for the beaches in the Hamptons out on Long Island. Here you will find all of the beautiful, Jewish and Italian girls you could ever want— far away from their natural habitats. Even the train ride out here from the city provides ample opportunity to scam on some smokin’ booty from NYC. The Hamptons is a general area on the eastern side of Long Island. They are the towns of East Hampton, West Hampton and South Hampton. In addition, Amagesett, Sag Harbour, the Moriches, Shelter Island and Montauk are more or less considered parts of the Hamptons as well. South Hampton is a playground for the rich and famous. But the other towns and beaches may bring you more luck as the level of pretentiousness is far less. Generally, it’s way too difficult to only come out here for the day or the evening. (The traffic on the way out here is horrible on the summer weekends.) It’s much easier if you know someone who has a place out here where you can crash, unless you are so confident in your skills that you don’t think you’ll have a problem finding sleeping quarters with some little honey out here.
Keep an eye out so that you don’t step on any medical waste or hypodermic needles on the Hampton beaches. Remember, she’s the on who’s supposed to get stuck. Yes, the girls here have left New York City, but they didn’t forget to pack their attitudes. They never leave home without them. So the same rules for New York apply out here. Dress well, know someone, be introduced or be bold and daring. Club M80***, Boom*** and Tavern on Route 27/Sunrise Highway in South Hampton are the places to be come nightfall to meet the beautiful NYC chicks who abandon the heat of the city every weekend and head to the beach. Alternatively, head to the lesser places in West Hampton, Tongue in Groove*** and Cassey’s***. Don’t feel as though you are missing out, if you can’t make it out to the Hampton’s in the summertime. This city is packed with Europeans, Americans visiting from other parts of the United States and rich, little girls home from college or boarding school from June through August, so there is sure to be plenty of booty around.
New York City also has some of the best eats in the world. Once you meet that Wall Street girl with the big titties that you have always wanted, take her to Dim Sum Go Go, The Spotted Pig, The Magnolia Café, Per Se, Baboo, The Standard or Mas farmhouse. Good food makes women horny. It is a provider/hunter/gather primal instincts thing. Don’t fight it. Go with it…
God Damn Factor 8.0