Canada

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Canada is one of those countries that totally lacks a national identity. Most people just refer to it as the country (or colony) north of the US. Some people actually think it’s a big American state. But French-speaking people cursed with Parisian attitude inhabit Quebec Canada, including its best city, Montreal. Quebec recently had a vote among its populace as to whether or not to secede from the rest of Canada, which is mostly, English-speaking. Luckily those for union won out in the end, albeit by only by 1%! No where near as interesting as the US’s problems with disunion during the American Civil War, but after all what did you expect from Canada? It’s not like French people can have a civil war anyway. They’re anything but civil! Anyway, precedence dictates that had a civil war started, the French Canadians would have immediately surrendered and begged the Americans to come save them.

There are only two reasons to go to Montreal: the titty bars and the great nightlife. Now I have been to titty bars from sea to shining sea and I can tell you that for the money and the quality you get for that money, there is no better place than Montreal. Las Vegas, Nevada, New York and some random places in Northern Europe can match the quality but not the price. A table dance in a titty bar in Montreal is 6-7 Canadian dollars (5-6$US), and there is generally no cover (or a nominal cover). You have to be at least 18, and dressed decently, and you have to buy a few drinks costing another 5 Canadian each (4$ US). And this is not like some of the titty bars in the US where the girls are only topless. Hell you could go to Barritz, Barcelona or Cannes and see beautiful topless French women for free. No, this is a gorgeous woman dancing completely naked for you and you only, for around $5US! You still have to be careful with the cash though. It’s kind of hard though because Canadian money has pictures of cute little animals on them and giving it away to beautiful, naked women will seem very easy to you. But, be careful. Hundreds of dollars can find there way out of your pocket very quickly. Club Chez Paris*** and Club Super Sex*** are the best titty bars in Montreal. Avoid going out on the nights when all of the drunk, obnoxious American hockey fans flood these places following games.

If you weren’t able to hook up with a beautiful dancer in the Montreal titty bars, you have got to look with ardor afterwards for a chick on whom to release all of your pent up sexual energy. If McGill University is having a party somewhere on campus, that is the place to be. There are tons of Americans studying here, mostly to escape the high tuition’s of the American universities. Chances are that you or someone you know, knows someone who knows someone. If not, head for a Peels Pub, a popular chain of watering holes in Canada. They’re everywhere. Then head out to the surrounding bars and discos on rue St. Catherine Ouest, rue St. Laurent, rue Cresent, rue Prince Arthur, rue Denis and rue Bishop. Try Bar Passport on rue St. Denis, Deja Vu on Bishop and the Zoo Bar, Angels and the Shed Cafe on rue St. Laurent. During the day, head to the Underground City which is packed with shops and French honeys shopping. Definitely, the warmest place in this whole damn city.   And whatever you do, do not tell them that you are American. Anything but that. Remember, you are in French Canada. They don’t like men more manly than their own— and that’s not very hard to be.

God Damn Factor 9.5

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